i Light Marina Bay 2016: The Unveiled Beauty

June 2015 - March 2016

Wanted to write about this way back in about April but then I was busy and my photos were all over the place. After starting work I didn't have time to just sit down and sort my photos and etc and then it just seemed like such a long time already. I suddenly think that I should write and upload this post up to not waste all the photographs that has been taken throughout the whole project.

I'm just going to document the whole process and talk about what I feel throughout the whole project because I grew so much within the span of 9 months and I found the person I really am after it ended.

It's 9 whole months of process with people coming and going. I guess I'm the only one that stayed throughout. It wasn't exactly 9 whole months of work but it was mentally torturing me the whole time. I guess no matter what, the people that were involved in this project all contributed something, no matter how small it is, that led up to the final work. I couldn't see the end either, I just stayed because I just want to finish what I started.

To be honest, I've never chosen to do this. But when being asked why am I doing this? Why did I choose to do this? I have to concoct out an answer right? The truth is I don't even know what the hell I was going to do until perhaps in May 2015? I did end up deciding to do the Guangzhou Light Festival and afterwards thinking that this is the same thing, just another light festival. But it ended up being 2 separate thing and the best part is that no one has ever done this before. I don't know if I'm capable to do this since I'm the first one and so I have a high chance of failing. How am I going to handle school and these projects separately? But I guess I don't have much of a choice since my study path was already planned half a year ago because of my decision to do the GZLF. Only in May did I know it was a separate thing. Oh well.

So many people seeing me being stuck in that room everyday alone thought that I loved doing this, thought that I don't have a life and I love staying in that room the whole day, till like close to midnight for so many nights. They probably don't know how much I hated it. If you ask me now if I want to do another installation all by myself again, my answer is no. Or perhaps with other people? Probably not too. But I didn't regret because I learnt so much about life from it.

But at that time perhaps since I was already stuck doing this, perhaps I was challenging myself to see if something I do will finally not fail.

Testing / Prototyping

From June - August, it was just doing the proposal and doing mini prototypes. But the prototypes back then was nothing like the pictures below because the ideas were totally experimental. Only in June did I know how to use the Arduino and playing with all these circuits. Back in secondary school, my worst nightmare was D&T. I don't even want to have anything to do with soldering or using hot glue. Yet I have to start using it and even using screw drivers, drills and all sorts of pen knifes.

There's this PIXD module in my course which was being offered in Y3. I was like telling Shimin in Y1 that I'm going to avoid this module no matter what. But I ended up having to take this...

Only in December did I know of a new team surfacing and 2 others are going to join this project. I don't even know if people are volunteering to help or if they are actually involved in the project anymore because people kept coming and going. So I never knew that the people that are going to do this is being involved until December. But I have no say to it anyway since I'm alone, and I needed people to help me anyway. So in December they helped with some of the prototyping and coming up with some research for new ideas.

At the end of the day it was decided that there would be 2 sides. The main side is the LED Wall (everything you see in this post), and the other side is done by the other 2 members that will have materials casting a shadow of the title.

I realise I have very little say in this project other than just doing and doing and doing what I'm asked to do. I think I lost my voice last year. I forgot that I'm able to give my opinion. There's so many things going on in my brain, I thought of so many other things but I just daren't say anything because it just seemed natural that nothing I say will work or will be accepted (that's probably what every student think). It's my work, I'm supposed to be happy doing it, or at least feel satisfied after the project ended. But I felt like it was somebody's idea and I just spend all my time doing and doing to complete it for someone else. Sometimes I wonder, if I were to answer back to everything and question everything, and really say out what I felt at that point of time, would I still be inside this project?

Because someone used to say, 'The only good thing about her is that she will just do anything without questions'.

Maybe there's a hidden meaning that I have no opinion on my own and whatever opinion I give is going to be bad, so the only good thing I can do is just do. I'm not an expert in this area, but I guess at that point I was the best person to just do without questions. If anyone else was in this project, they probably will just keep questioning and questioning about why must you do this in this way or that in that way.

Things meant as a joke will eventually hurt someone in the process. But because I appreciate and I try to understand the good it would do for me, so I hid all my emotions behind me. Only now I realised, that all these will come haunting you if more things are being said that will hurt you.

No matter how close you are with a person, or how well you know that person. Words will still hurt. I'm still human.

Anyway I had to cut all these boxes. I probably spend a week or more just cutting all these squares, and even those in between which was like 5 rectangles sticking together.

Cutting wires so as to reuse them.

First light!!

Rushed to do this up because of the media press conference the next day. Thank you Minzi & Grace for helping me that day. I couldn't have done this alone. The boxes kept toppling down and I have to insert the LED behind. After that did I realise of it will of course not stand straight no matter what because the LEDs will always be heavier than the boxes added up together. Does it sound right? I don't know. Perhaps I did something wrongly. Yes, when things goes wrong, I'll keep blaming myself because I believe that someone else has the ability to do anything he wants, and I'll never ever go up to that level.

Setup on actual Fabrication

The fabrication finally came on 15 February? Just about 2 weeks before going to set up at the actual venue. My other 2 members drilled all the holes before they left. What I did was just filing and inserting the LEDs.

Thank you Minzi for pasting all those papers that are to be drilled. Thank you Jiaxi for helping me out with the lights afterwards and Shimin for helping to cut the acrylic everyday which ended up being a wasted effort. You both didn't have to help me but you still did till almost midnight every single day when you just finished your intern. I have Jiaxi to thank so much to. She helped me to fix the lights and solder even though she was so irritated and frustrated throughout.

I had to paste the entire wall of acrylic. There's a first layer which is the Acrylic that's to be pasted. Thank you Shimin for gluing and pasting them all together with me, almost all the 805 holes. Afterwards we had to tie the cable to make sure the acrylic is straight. Thank you Rei for helping to tie those cables. There are certain things that you can't do with just 1 person, which are all these things. Thank you Yixian, Liuyang, Jovial for helping me to kiap all those acrylic after I drilled the hanging acrylic with 2 holes each. There's so much more that have to be done and more people that helped on/off throughout like they are responsible for it. I never knew how people can help with something wholeheartedly when it isn't theirs.

I seriously broke down that time when I was all alone doing this installation. I wanted to just give up and go home, but I'm not going to waste my 9 months of effort and then throwing it away, I'm not someone who gives up, and I'm definitely not going to waste my friends time. Thank you friends for saying that, 'We all came down just for you'. Those words are so powerful and it probably kept me going. I'm not strong as a person, and I guess these are times when the people around you are so precious.

Remove all those people helping me. Would I have been able to do all those things alone? There's so much other things too. I had to do the other side too and without them helping me, I guess I would be dead.

It was raining the day we were going to finally set out and go to MBS to set up.

Media Launch Press Conference

News

Setup @ Marina Bay

Finally the set up day! Thank you Rei for accompanying me to the venue and Mr Choong for sending us there.

The first full day of setting up. I was so desperate to finish and there's so much to be done. I'm not sure if it's really possible to do it with just myself without anyone helping me. I was already rushing like mad and so many other people are rushing for me but it just can't seem to be done.

I just want to say one thing right now. There's another member that due to circumstances can only help out during the weekend, so that was a Saturday and he came down to do his part which was other side of the wall. Apparently he said everything was impossible to be done and impossible and impossible. But no matter how impossible it is he should at least finish up something or try his best to do something and not just spend every possible time coming to do my main wall when I already had so many others to help me! Who else is going to do your side of the wall when you keep coming over to my side?

Even if it's going to suck, he should at least do something about it... I'm the only person responsible for the life and death of this installation during the launch day. When Monday comes, if that wall isn't done, all the shit is going to me. Because the other 2 people supposed to be doing this is off in another country and the only other person that is going to do this can only come during the weekend but he is not helping. So the shit came to me in the end and I hated doing that side of the wall. My friends helped but nothing seemed to work. Ended up we are still able to produce something I guess.

Don't ask me why my team members are either away or only available during the weekends. Apparently there's no choice because of circumstances. On a side note, was that trip necessary? Just cause I was being trusted enough to do it. But even during normal days most of the time I was the only one doing, cause apparently it's my project. Was it only mine? I guess so. Just cause I started it, I'm supposed to be responsible for everything.

I'm not complaining, but I'm not a robot. Anyway I have no hard feelings towards the member that only came during the weekend. I had a bad temper and I didn't know how to face it and it was all hid up inside of me. I just got so pissed that his attitude during that weekend was so bad and on the other days I'm going to be alone. During that time I just did everything my way, anything just to get the main wall up ASAP. But things kept fucking up. I ignored the person that's so concern about it that's kilometres away and just did things my way and at the end of the day, I get scolded by that person.

One thing I just felt like doing at that point of time was just not turning up the next day. If I don't turn up then everyone else wouldn't too. On the launch day it would just black out. It doesn't matter if anything happened to me. I don't think I've much to lose. That was what I imagined and wanted to do at that point of time. But I know I wouldn't. I'm not going to be so fucked up.

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Launch Day on 4th March 2016

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Photograph taken by Alvin Chew

Credits to whoever who took this photo (I grabbed it online)

Credits to whoever who took this photo (I grabbed it online)

 

i Light Marina Bay 2016

Thank you friends for all your posts and thank you to everyone else who came and wrote/or didn't write on the acrylics. I never knew how much supporters I had heheheh.

Others

It feels good to see so many random strangers appreciating something that you did.

Fusion

Anyway it was brought back to Fusion to be displayed and once again I had to do everything again. Except maybe I was given some helpers to wipe the Acrylic and unhook the Acrylic. The back part was removed totally and being replaced with this TV that screens the i Light video that I've embedded below.

This is the token being given by the i Light committee in April after the event.

Everyone I want to thank is probably being thanked in the special credits of the video.

I guess the one thing I'm very thankful for at the end of this project is that I've gained many friends back and I realise how much I meant to them. I thought such friends only exists in dramas, and I never knew that I will have them in real life. Up till today now that it's already the end of 2016 (I'm just posting the date in March but blogging in Dec), my friends are all still here.

I've also gained one precious friend, my dearest Minzi, whom I don't think will be reading this post. I guess I have to really thank the person who gave me the opportunity to do project and for bringing her in to help but also for her FYP to film the video. But still I never known I'll be friends with her in the end, and she will still come to help me even though it has nothing to do with her anymore.

I'm thankful to that person, I was very thankful to that person. I've voiced out my dissatisfaction at the point of time when he raged at me from a million kilometres away. But perhaps not all, and perhaps it never occured to me how dissatisfied I am.

I just wanted to document this properly but little did I know I expressed all my feelings out about this project in this post... Funny how my mind works.

I never felt like this project was mine. I was happy it ended, because I don't have to have to do anything about it again anymore after Fusion. But I didn't felt like it was mine. I don't know how else anyone else could have done this differently, we probably will never know. I may be the one who understood this project the most, but deep inside my heart, I don't know why but when I'm being interviewed, or have to talk about this project to anyone, I don't feel like explaining, and there's some sort of anger inside of me. It didn't felt like mine, I wasn't happy doing it. But I had to talk about everything in a positive light. Because I cannot ruin the image of whatever I would ruin. I hate saying things I don't mean.

I've been spending the last half year reflecting on everything and I guess I'll pen it down in my last post of 2016.

Right now I'm just appreciative of everything around me. & I'll not bother with people that couldn't care less about me.

I just have one to say and that is, within a split of a second, because of something you said, trust can be broken off. But it probably doesn't matter anyway.